A conversation and falling in love.
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Sometimes they start same. This is where the real magic happens. A of studies have shown that to move a conversation from the surface to a little bit more, mutual vulnerability is key. Nobody is suggesting that hearts and souls be put on the line in the name of intoxicating conversation, but intelligent, interesting conversation, with a little bit more of someone brave enough to go there, is impossible to walk away from.
There is an abundance of research that has looked at the way people develop intimacy. Professor of Psychology Arthur Aron, has done extensive work in the area. According to his researchintimacy is critical to a relationship because it not only grows the relationship, but also the people in it.
The process of self-expansion typically happens through time spent together, sharing activities, ideas and interests. The more two people share in a novel and challenging activity, the greater the feeling of closeness. Conversation — the right conversation — can be as novel and challenging as anything. A key feature in the development of close relationships is dropping the defensive guard.
As explained by Professor Aron and colleagues. Self-disclosure facilitates a of important aspects that have been established as important to building intimacy:. In a fascinating studyProfessor Aron attempted to escalate the intimacy between strangers. He paired participants and gave each couple a series of 36 questions to discuss, deed to facilitate self-disclosure. The questions escalated in intensity, based on the finding that one of the keys to establishing a close relationships is self-disclosure that is sustained, escalating and mutual.
The effects of the 45 minutes self-disclosure activity involving the questions below lasted beyond the study, with many participants maintaining some sort of relationship with the person they had been paired up in the study.
That there was a carry over that lasted beyond the study indicates the power of self-disclosure. The self-disclosure questions create the spark and ground to build on. The key elements of a successful relationship — loyalty, commitment, dependability, come with subsequent work and mutual effort to progress the relationship. Now to the best part.
Here is the list of questions developed by Professor Aron and colleagues to accelerate intimacy between strangers. You want to come across as interested, interesting and charming — not robotic and intense.
Or weird. Start by being interested enough and perhaps brave enough to ask the questions, then be open enough, warm enough and engaged enough to share your own response. Above all else, have fun with it. Humans are wired to connect. The need is a primal one.
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Picking up on this pulse in another person is the way to move to something bigger. My wife and I have been thinking about enhancing our relationship so that it is more fun.
Thanks for your tips about how we should try to be more vulnerable, kind, and warm with each other. Being able to communicate more effectively in every aspect of our relationship could help us treat each other better.
Wonderful and the truth. Being real involves exposing ourselves and reciprocal vulnerability. I loved the advice of sharing with the thought of being accepted.
Paola and jeff
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